A few years ago, I was flying solo on a cross-country flight and had just settled into my coveted aisle seat.

A mom helped her two kids into the seats next to me, then took her own seat — the dreaded middle — in the row ahead.
I groaned inwardly. I knew the right thing to do was offer her my aisle seat. So I did.

She smiled and said it wasn’t necessary. “They’re used to flying.”
Very relieved, I stayed put.

Five minutes later, a flight attendant approached her: “Congrats, you're first on our upgrade list. We have a first-class seat available, would you like it?”

The woman thought for a minute, turned, looked at me, and said:
“Actually… would you like the seat?”

Uhm, you bet I did! I took it. 🥂

At the time, I thought I’d just gotten lucky. Now I know better:
I’d stumbled into one of the most powerful forces in human behavior.

The rule of reciprocity

Across cultures, people feel obligated to return favors, gifts, and acts of kindness — even if the original gesture was small or unrequested.

In his book Influence, psychologist Robert Cialdini describes reciprocity as one of the foundational levers of persuasion. It’s so automatic, we’ll often return a favor even if we didn’t ask for it — or don’t particularly like the person who gave it.

A few fun (and true) examples:

• Giving diners a mint alongside their check increases tip size

• Offering free Costco samples boosts sales

• Receiving a holiday card from someone leads us to send one back… even if we don’t know them (read about the hilarious holiday card study in this NPR article)

Now here’s where it gets even more fun:
We can use the rule of reciprocity at work to increase our own impact.

First, let’s review the factors that magnify the force of reciprocation:

• Personalizing gifts to people’s current needs or preferences make them even more likely to return a favor.

• Reciprocal concessions are also effective: if you concede first, others feel obligated to concede a little in return.

• Note: don’t undermine the impact. Saying “oh it’s nothing” or “no big deal” releases others from the obligation. Instead, simply say “you’re welcome.”

Now, put those in action:

Strategy 1: Personalized favors

Share something helpful before it’s needed

Proactively send a dashboard view, chart, or insight tailored to your stakeholder’s world.

→ “Hey, I know you’ve got QBRs coming up. This cleaned-up dashboard might help.”
It’s small, but it creates goodwill and builds a quiet obligation to return the favor (like looping you in earlier or backing your recommendations later).

Offer small favors in meetings

Volunteer to check a data point, clarify a confusing metric, or send a follow-up summary.
These micro-gestures build appreciation — and when it’s your turn to ask for something, people are more likely to say yes.

Make their wins your mission

When you help someone else hit their goal (like identifying sales opportunities or reducing attrition), they’ll be far more open to helping you hit yours.

Share credit generously

If a stakeholder helped shape your analysis, say so publicly.
Boosting their visibility is a “gift” that often returns when you need a champion.

Offer value before asking for action

When asking stakeholders to take action based on your insights, offer something first, like a clear takeaway, a confidence-building explanation, or a small win they can claim.

→ “We found a quick optimization that could save $12K next quarter. If that’s helpful, I’d love your input on how to scale this insight across other regions.”

Strategy 2: Reciprocal concessions

Reciprocity doesn’t only work with favors. It also works with compromise — a tactic called the door-in-the-face technique.

You ask for something big, get turned down, then “concede” by asking for something smaller. The other person feels pressure to compromise too.

Examples:

Asking for stakeholder time

Big ask: “Can we meet weekly for 30 minutes?”
Concession: “No problem — how about 15 minutes every other week?”

Now you’ve compromised, so they’re more likely to agree.

Advocating for a big project

Big ask: “Can we launch a full revamp of our reporting suite?”
Concession: “If that’s too much for now, I can start by redesigning the top 3 most-used dashboards.”

You demonstrate ambition and practicality, making it easier for others to say yes without feeling overwhelmed.

Asking for visibility

Big ask: “Can I present this at the all-hands?”
Concession: “If not, maybe you can include it in your update or let me share with the leadership team?”

You still move the work forward — and earn visibility along the way.

The bottom line

Give first, generously and intentionally.

Whether it’s your time, insights, or recognition, those small moments of value will shape how others perceive and support you in return.

And sometimes they’ll send you to first class 😉 

Go get those yeses,
Morgan

P.S. I’m thoroughly enjoying Influence right now. It's full of fascinating examples and surprisingly practical tips, both for using persuasion and spotting when it’s being used on you.